So what did you learned in 2012?

Year 2012 was a tumultuous year! There were joys, discoveries, tons of new experiences but there were also some sorrows and tragedies that taught me some valuable lessons.

This year my sons transitioned from preschool, where the environment was intimate and very controlled to public school kindergarten class which was the complete opposite. I don't know who it was harder for, me or them. It was very scary to watch them grow before my eyes. I don't think the staff from their new school truly appreciated or understood the magnitude this transition had on me as their mom. (HAHAHA)

Looking back, I think at times I was melodramatic, being a control freak, wanting to know what was happening throughout the day. I held everyone accountable for my sons whereabouts from their teacher all the way up to their principal. Now that we are half way through the school year and I've learned "I have to let go so they can grow." Letting go was and still is an internal tug of war for me BUT it's part of the process of life. I learned that if I don't let go, I am only crippling them for the life that waits ahead for them. I see that I am not preparing them to be strong, independent nor innovative men of integrity. My urge to protect them and nurture them was projecting my inability to trust others to help me protect, nurture and educate them. Whoa!

In 2012 I shared some memorable experiences with my sons that will last a lifetime. I think that THIS is part of the joy of parenting...sharing and living through those moments of life. This year my husband and I took our sons to Hersey Park.

 

Our 5 year old twins have speech and language delays. The oldest twin has Persuasive Developmental Disorder (PDD which is on the Autism Spectrum). Their expressive communication is on the level of 3 to 4 year old. However their ability to express their excitement on this trip was remarkable. I saw the progress my sons were making as a result of the therapies they participate in. More importantly I saw the joy in their eyes riding the rides and playing the arcade games. We all had a blast!  

I was completely floored when I saw the "light" go on when my husband and I took them to Disney for their birthday. They were completely awed from the moment we went to the airport until we returned home. I promise you, that, was an experience none of us will forget! My sons were are able to say where they went and who they saw. I was overjoyed!

As a parent you are always looking for the "light" to go on and my husband and I saw that light while we were at Disney! Again the biggest valuable lesson I learned in 2012 was reiterated "I have to let go so they can grow."

2012 also had some horrific things happen that shocked not only me but the world. The sad events were the tragedies and lives impacted from Hurricane Sandy in NYC and the senseless killings in Newtown, CT. So many lives were lost and displaced from these two events. Our prayers still go out to these families. These events taught me to show my love outwardly to my family and friends daily because you never know when one event could separate you from the ones you love. Love is not just a feeling, it's a feeling that's coupled with an action. I can not take the feeling without action for granted.

So what did you learn in 2012?

Kindergarden...YES!

My search for kindergarden is now complete! It's been a long, long, long, (did I mention it's been a long) journey. I went through multiple mood swings within this process that it was absolutely ridiculous. Getting my sons in a decent school was far worse than it was me getting into college (LOL).

Now I am happy to announce that my sons got accepted into 2 public schools and 1 charter school. Needless to say I chose the charter school. I believe that my children will be far more successful because of the curriculum and discipline they instill in the students. They immediately get the scholars (students) mindset geared towards attending college. My husband and I are in total agreement about that.

Anther thing that sold my husband and I on choosing a charter school over public, is that they have the resources available to help scholars with IEP (Individualize Educational Plan) achieve excellence as well according to that's child's best ability. Woo-hoo!

Since this process is over, I feel like I can breath...really breath. Our sons' futures seem bright and hopeful.  I know my job as mommy and advocate is not over and it won't ever be over, but right now I can say thank you Lord and please take care of our babies! I still need to help them overcome some of their challenges with speech and language but they have come so far with the services they've received thus far.

Christian is using his language much more and sometimes his communication is scripted form like what he learned watching his programs but it's pertinent to what he's trying to say. Cameron is growing and making significant strides with speech and surprisingly his school work.  I've committed to spending time with each of them separately to give them "mommy & me" time. It appears to work because I noticed that Cameron is becoming less dependent or overbearing when he's around his brother.

Well I gotta go now it's a holiday and it's time to get the boys wet with a good old fashion balloon water fight!

You gotta BELIEVE!

I've been faced with some really tough challenges lately that has help me prioritize what's really important in life especially regarding raising emotionally & physically healthy children. However, the one thing that has not changed is my unwavering and unconditional love for them! Choosing to become a mom is one of the few best decisions I made in my life (next to marrying my husband...I love you honey). Moments like the one I'm about to share is what out weigh the challenging times in my life.

This past Thursday was my husband's birthday and I was feeling bummed because I had to cancel the plans I made to celebrate as a family with him. So on the ride home from speech therapy, my son Christian saw a sidewalk hotdog vendor. He says "mommy, mommy can I have a hotdog"? I was like when did YOU start eating hot dogs? So I told him the vendor was closed and going home to distract him but Christian doesn't give up so easily. Moments later we were at a traffic light which was also near  a pizza shop so he asks, "mama can I have pizza"? I look over to my husband and we agreed on the pizza. Now Christian gets upset because we're passing by the shop but we were on the opposite side of the street and my husband needed to do a basic u-turn. So Christian's shouts, "DAD! TURN AROUNG AND MAKE THE LEFT"!

My husband and I turn to each other and let out a gut laugh! Now this comment is coming from a 4 year old with language issues. He has some delays in his expressive language so when you talk to him you are able to understand a few words as he mixes them with jargon. But this day he was absolutely clear in his expressive language.

I pray daily for my sons and I ask God to help them everyday and it's moments like this one that makes my belief stronger. Working along with the school staff and professional therapists makes a difference.

Labeling our children

I have been battling all sorts of emotions and thoughts on the topic of "learning disability". For the past 8 months my twin sons have undergone some extensive evaluations. It all started because I noticed they were not speaking like they should at the age of 3. They were really behind in their expressive language in comparison to the other 3 year olds in their preschool class. This was extremely frustrating to me.

I finally sought help from the department of education and got them evaluated. I found the process to be invading and I was somewhat defensive trying to explain why my sons were unable to give the evaluator the answers they sought. To make a long story short, when all the reports were complied and given to me, I lost it! I could not stop crying, imagine being in a room alone (because my husband was at work) with a panel of people giving you pages of what is WRONG with your child...in my case times 2 (twins)!

I was initially in flight mode. Can this be fixed? What can I do differently to help them? What did I do to cause this? I've had countless meetings at their preschool, with the committee of preschool special education (ages birth - 4 yrs) and the committee of special education (ages 5-21), medical professionals (ENT, neurology and behavioral & development pediatric doctors). To date I still do not have a concrete diagnosis and I doubt I will get one at this point.

I keep telling myself that my sons are only 4 years old, and naturally 4 year olds are impulsive and have short attention spans but does that make them ADHD or learning disabled? I realize that the implications suggested by these professionals are based on observations and if you really examine it some of the behaviors associated with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) could apply to most young children..but does that make most young children autisic?

After meeting with the behavioral and developmental pediatric doctor who happens to be a pediatric neurologist, I'm still unbalanced. I'm not sure what to "do next"with my sons. I've spent hundreds of dollars buying fine/gross motor skill games and workbooks, sensory development toys/objects, computer software etc. You name it I probably got it. Why? Because as a parent I want the best for my boys but have I gotten caught up with these labels??? Have my focus changed to what they can't do versus what they're good at? Have I taken the fun out of being a kid for them?