Labeling our children

I have been battling all sorts of emotions and thoughts on the topic of "learning disability". For the past 8 months my twin sons have undergone some extensive evaluations. It all started because I noticed they were not speaking like they should at the age of 3. They were really behind in their expressive language in comparison to the other 3 year olds in their preschool class. This was extremely frustrating to me.

I finally sought help from the department of education and got them evaluated. I found the process to be invading and I was somewhat defensive trying to explain why my sons were unable to give the evaluator the answers they sought. To make a long story short, when all the reports were complied and given to me, I lost it! I could not stop crying, imagine being in a room alone (because my husband was at work) with a panel of people giving you pages of what is WRONG with your child...in my case times 2 (twins)!

I was initially in flight mode. Can this be fixed? What can I do differently to help them? What did I do to cause this? I've had countless meetings at their preschool, with the committee of preschool special education (ages birth - 4 yrs) and the committee of special education (ages 5-21), medical professionals (ENT, neurology and behavioral & development pediatric doctors). To date I still do not have a concrete diagnosis and I doubt I will get one at this point.

I keep telling myself that my sons are only 4 years old, and naturally 4 year olds are impulsive and have short attention spans but does that make them ADHD or learning disabled? I realize that the implications suggested by these professionals are based on observations and if you really examine it some of the behaviors associated with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) could apply to most young children..but does that make most young children autisic?

After meeting with the behavioral and developmental pediatric doctor who happens to be a pediatric neurologist, I'm still unbalanced. I'm not sure what to "do next"with my sons. I've spent hundreds of dollars buying fine/gross motor skill games and workbooks, sensory development toys/objects, computer software etc. You name it I probably got it. Why? Because as a parent I want the best for my boys but have I gotten caught up with these labels??? Have my focus changed to what they can't do versus what they're good at? Have I taken the fun out of being a kid for them?